We’ve assessed every horse running in TAB Everest simply by their name

Yes, it’s that time of year again.

The richest turf race in the world is finally upon us and we’re chomping at the bit to slap on a cheeky bet at the TAB.

For most punters, they spend weeks analysing and dissecting every horse’s form heading into the TAB Everest.

But for chumps like me, I prefer a far easier strategy when it comes to choosing my lucky four-legged friend who’s hopefully going to win me a buck or two.

Here, we’re going to assess every horse’s nickname with the hope of guiding you in the right direction when it comes to picking your multis.

No stats, no facts – just pure intuition my dear friends.

So, here’s our brutally-honest thoughts on every horse’s name ahead of Australia’s richest race – and be warned, there’s some rather interesting choices, if truth be told.

I WISH I WIN – $4 win, $1.70 place

The exact words going through every punter’s head as they place a bet after an “insider tip” from their brother’s mate’s sister’s cousin’s dog.

THINK ABOUT IT – $4.50 win, $1.82 place

“Trust me, I have. I’m telling you bruthaaa, this 24-leg multi paying just shy of a million bucks is defs gonna pull through!”

PRIVATE EYE – $6 win, $2.17 place

It’s giving James Bond movie vibes. Daniel Craig emerging from the crystal-clear ocean with salty water running down his chiselled abs? Getting carried away am I? Apologies.

BUENOS NOCHES – $8 win, $2.64 place

What my smug Spanish-speaking waiter says after charging me $89 for two spicy margs and some guacamole at a Sydney-based Mexican restaurant. Guac was fire tho…

CYLINDER – $11 win, $3.35 place

Complete and utter genius with this name choice, fellas. Bravo, bravo!

HAWAII FIVE OH – $11 win, $3.35 place

Does what it says on the tin. A nod to a classic TV show.

ESPIONA – $21 win, $5.70 place

Chelsea’s unknown 21-year-old left-back they just signed for a whopping £95 million on a 12-year contract.

IN SECRET – $15 win, $4.29 place

My Tom Cruise-esque secret mission to dig up the most reliable tip from my punting group chat.

OVERPASS – $15 win, $4.29 place

Reminds me of those pointless games Google makes you play to ensure you’re not a robot. I always seem to fail though? Weird.

SHINZO – $21 win, $5.70 place

This one, right here, is going to roll off the tongue pretty nicely while I’m screaming from the bottom of my lungs trackside with my shirt undone and tie wrapped round my head. There’s always one, right?

ALCOHOL FREE – $51 win, $12.76 place

The mantra by which I live my life every week from Monday 9am till Wednesday 5:01pm.

MAZU – $34 win, $8.76 place

Don’t ask why, but for some reason this instantly made me think of the infamous ‘Kazoo Kid’. “Wait a minute… WHO ARE YOU?”

**Odds are subject to change. Gamble responsibly.**